5 Ideas for Surviving 2023 as a Single Catholic

This blog post is being written as a mildly indignant response to a recent tips-for-single-Catholics listicle. There isn’t a lot of content designed specifically for single Catholics, so I was vaguely intrigued but also bracing for disappointment. And disappointment … didn’t disappoint. It wasn’t a phenomenal list (full disclosure: my list isn’t either). But what rankled me most was the all-too-common overtone that “singleness is just a season and, don’t worry, you’ll be married eventually and won’t have time to do these things later.”

Some of us are in this for the long haul, y’all, and no number of novenas to St. Anne is going to change that.

So after snarking about the list a bit on social media, I guilted myself into trying to come up with my own ways to survive 2023 as a single Catholic.

1. Check in with the hubs at Adoration

I know: Going to Eucharistic Adoration is at the top of, like, every Catholic to-do list in existence. But for single Catholics, this isn’t just another pious devotion or opportunity for prayer. It’s a time to check in with the spouse, the hubs, Bae — whatever the current term of endearment is. If Jesus Christ is the bridegroom of our souls, then this is one-on-one time to rehash the events of the day or unload the burdens on our minds. Sitting in a pew or kneeling at an altar rail isn’t the same as being curled up together on a couch, but it’s better than nothing.

2. Go on a Tour de Your Diocese

If you tend to stick to your own parish … stop doing that. Find your diocese’s directory of parishes and crash Mass at somewhere new to you. Wikipedia says my diocese has 84 parishes, and a quick count off the top of my head tells me I’ve been to about 24 of them for one reason or another: Mass, Adoration, diocesan event, etc. Go explore your diocese. Discover that one church that has magnificent stained glass windows in a town out in the middle of nowhere. (Conversely, you might instead find that one church that is still stuck in the ‘70s with Spirit of Vatican II architecture and decor. I’m sorry. Caveat viator.) Find the parish that has a sacred music program that’s bringing back the best of the Renaissance and Gregorian chant. Wander around a parish cemetery and find gravestones from the 1700’s for children who lived only a few days or weeks (yes, it’ll be a gut punch; do it anyway and be grateful for modern health care). Some parishes 45 minutes away from where I live have become such homes-away-from-home that the pastors know me by name. We’re one big Catholic family; go meet your extended cousins.

3. Pray for your local seminarians

Sometimes in conversation I’ll mention that Father So-and-so is at such-and-such parish, and the response is, “How do you know all these priests?” Because I’ve been praying for some of these holy fools since they were in first-year pre-Theology. My diocese, like many others, issues a prayer card every academic year with the names of its seminarians, and parishioners are encouraged to pray for a different sem every day. When you do that regularly, guess what: You learn their names. I haven’t met the vast majority of seminarians I’ve prayed for, but it’s nice to have someone to cheer for from a safe distance.

Plus, seminarians and priests also know some of the struggles of having to roll solo through this world designed for two.

4. Chill at a monastery for a long weekend

The first Mass I went to when I was still a wayward Protestant was at a Benedictine monastery because that was less intimidating than setting foot inside my parish church. It was part of a three-day stay at their guesthouse, because going to a monastery alone was still less scary than setting foot inside my parish church. You could say that, as a Catholic, I was “born” at a monastery, so I highly recommend visiting one for a day of prayer or a longer retreat. It can be a time to disconnect from the busyness of everyday life and connect with the business of refreshing your soul. A few ideas for Midwest folk: St. Meinrad Archabbey (Benedictine, Indiana), St. Joseph Monastery (Passionist, Kentucky), Monastery of the Holy Cross (Benedictine, Chicago).

5. Build up your community

This is the hardest one on the list for me because I instinctively close in on myself instead of reaching out. I’m an unmarried adult without kids, so I don’t really have a place with the wife-and-mom crowd, nor do I truly fit with the widows-and-emptynesters crowd. And trying to find other solo Catholics can feel like a fool’s errand. But community is what keeps us sane (while simultaneously driving us crazy sometimes), so try to expand your group a little bit. I really don’t have any good advice to offer for this one, because my personal community-building is catastrophically bad, but deep down I know this has to be subhead number five to wrap up this listicle, so here it is.

Ite, missa est, single Catholics!